There is so much porn on Tumblr!
Earlier today this blog shared porn. That was not me, and I honestly don’t know how it happened. I don’t “like” porn, I think it is inherently harmful to producer and and consumer, and I would never share it intentionally.
But I don’t want any of you to think I am some kind of innocent cherub. “Alishan is so Christian, so holy! He’s like the male version of the virgin Mary!” No. I am a normal human being. I like sex. As a child approaching puberty, when these God-implanted desires were awakened in me, I intentionally sought to satiate my sex drive in secret settings. (yay! alliteration!) I used very little self-control in pursuing my curiosity about the forbidden. I was mastered by massive masturbation, polluted by perverse pornography. (yay! more alliteration!)
As I’ve gotten older, my self-control has increased somewhat. And more importantly, I’ve experienced the taste of “living water” from God that truly satisfies, unlike the toilet water of porn. I trust Jesus. I believe he is the Only Son of God who came from God and returned to God, and I trust that his design for sextremely sexy sex in monogamous marriage, as seen in the Song of Solomon, is superiorly satisfying. (yay! excessive alliteration?)
But again, I am not yet close to perfect. It is not as if I met Jesus and all my sin disappeared. It is a daily battle, to seek the best instead of the easy. Many days, I have won great victories with the help of the Holy Spirit of God that lives in me! But on many lazy and lonely moments, I have chosen to completely give in and give up my dignity. If perfection is a requirement for leadership, I am definitely not qualified.
I celebrate the small victories. With God’s help, I have made great progress spiritually, emotionally, mentally. I am more mature than I have ever been. I see more of the fruit of the Spirit in my life. (which are: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. see Galatians 5:22.)
And this is the foundation of my peace: God does not love me because I am already perfect (I’m not), or because I am unwaveringly pure hearted in seeking him (nope!); rather, He loves me because He is my Father. He loves me so much that he adopted me, and the price was his own Son’s blood! And he loves to watch me and help me grow into perfection. That is why I want to be with him, because he wants me, despite my failings.
He wants you too! Don’t be afraid, come to him. Start with the Gospel of John and see for yourself! But be ready to be changed. It’s impossible to meet him and stay the same.
Someday, in the coming kingdom of God, I will be mature and complete. My desires will be all in the right order. I will want that which is best at all times. God will supply all our needs, and as we see his glory, will have pleasures forever that will be even more supremely satisfying than the best sex here. It will be amazing. Hope to see you there!
Also someday I will have a wife. And her spine will tingle and her toes will curl. And God will be praised.
